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Dear partners, this love letter to each of you. I write him that you knew: I still think of what we did and we will do together what we spoke about, I remember each our quarrel and each warm

Dear partners, this love letter to each of you.

I write him that you knew: I still think of what we did and we will do together what we spoke about, I remember each our quarrel and each warm moment which we should divide.

This letter for P. which was always gentle. This letter for M., such curious and kind, though sometimes reckless. This letter for S. with which sex was just unforgettable. For D. which always joked and made laugh me. And for E., who always told the truth.

This letter for all men, tgirl-and transgender which loved me and with whom I will ever fall in love.

Know: you change my life and give me forces even if at us not everything (was) smooth.

Know: I understand and I appreciate you, even when I urge to belong to women better, than men are usually taught.

I know that to be a man and to meet a tranny (opened and not always having a pass) – can be difficult path. But let’s recognize: never it is simple to be the open tranny not always having a pass at all.

All this because of hating virus which still thrives in society. And though discrimination and hatred are far stronger directed to girls like me, I know that you face them too.

It is incredibly complex to speak about it. Between us all this remained unexpressed, but very real, as well as at many trannies and their partners.

I know, partly it is complex because you not always want to recognize that the relations and sex with tranny are followed by strong social stigma. You can spot that even on live action cams as interaction in online space is very similar, unless only like minded people are chatting.

Other part of a problem are that same, as well as I, trans*feminist consider that any discussion of transexualism has to be based around trannies. I for the first time in life will not agree with Laverne Cox, namely with her statement that men who meet tranny, “even more stigmatization, than tranny”.

Because it is bald lie.

Men who meet tranny are not killed as us. You do not face such discrimination at employment or upon purchase of housing as we, and without problems you come into public places.

Nevertheless, I cannot tell that you do not face violence and humiliation which transsexual culture connects with my body – a body which you touched and with which were connected.

And kind of we wanted that everything was differently, we know that on the way of our love there are a lot of obstacles which force us to doubt themselves and our relationships.

We often quarreled about it. Sometimes left.

You should not learn have to coped with a transphobia and humiliation to be near me. I should not it have taught you. But the matter is that in this world it became for us a necessity.

Whether I like it or not, I will fight against it up to the end. I have no choice.

But you have him. The privilege allows you to choose: to give up fight (which the love to the tranny is) or to continue to fight together with us.

And if you – I hope – will choose the last, here, that you need to know about shame, about love to tranny and about love to yourself.

The relationship with me do not change your sexual orientation

Often stigmatization of heterosexual men who meet tranny is actually based on a homophobia. Heterosexuals who feel attraction to us are called by “gay” and “homo”, and their heterosexuality is tried to be challenged.

It is meant that tranny not the real women therefore if the man meets us, so he – the gay.

At the same time, gays often are afraid to meet us – even if you want – because they “should not fall in love with women”.

And, probably, all who meet tranny were accused at least once that they like “freaks”.

Freaks are meant, naturally, as women like me.

The former, present and future partners, I need to tell you something: if you consider yourself hetero, you can meet tranny. If you consider yourself bi, you can meet tranny. If your homo-, the sir – omni-or asexual, you can meet tranny. Your identity will not change if you do not want it, and know why?

Because only you define the sexual orientation.

If you meet me, it does not mean that you are “abnormal”

Sometimes I meet guys who think (or they were so told) that the inclination to tranny is a display of a mental disease. Someone from you too so thought or thinks.

Most often such opinion is formed by media: how many Hollywood comedies are constructed what the heterosexual man realizes that met or had sex with a tranny, and at once feels sick him? How many times yellow newspapers wrote that some famous man was seen with a tranny, and gave it as a sensation?

Rarer, but still frighteningly often such things directly speak insiders of medicine and clergy.

It is meant that tranny is so disgusting that only “mentally ill people” can meet us. It very much reminds the assumption that if someone does not identify himself with the gender attributed at the birth, the on a mentally of an ill means.

But neither my body, nor your inclination to him are disgusting, strange or unhealthy. My body is beautiful, as well as your love. If we abnormal, it means only that our relations differ from expectations of society.

And in it there is nothing disgusting.

Meeting me, you do not stop being a man

You are men and you feel attraction to tranny therefore you already know that the strongest form of a transphobia is a contest of gender identity.

Unaware people are generally other men – can scoff at your masculinity, call into question appeal to “the real women” and deride how you have sex.

It is applicable not only to cisgender men. Transsexual men face such reaction to the relations with tranny too.

It is important to realize that these attacks happen because of fear. You, I and our relations very much frighten men whose confidences and force are supported with patriarchy.

Existence of the romantic and sexual relations between the man (cisgender or transgender) and a tranny complicates the unspoken rule. It says that to be “real man” it is necessary “to win” the cisgender woman and to seize her body.

Our relationships force men to doubt the bases of the identity and privileges.

Remember: their courage is weak if it is under construction on submission of bodies of other people. Yours is or will be strong because exists in itself.